Twelve Naughty Angels
by takisys
Summary: Short vignette featuring the twelve versions of Jack stranded in the past of a thirteenth dimension which is not ours or Jack's as they believe. Sequels  from the Twelve Jacks Case.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Timey-Wimey and some more.

**Characters /pairings:** Twelve alternate versions of Captain Jack Harkness: Jay, Jill, John, Jethro, Jeff, Jeffrey, Joey, Jed, Jo, Jared, Jake and Jinn.

**Prompt:** Major Historical Event Changed

**Rating: PG-13**

**Warnings: **not that I can think of.

**Summary:** Twelve versions of Jack are stranded in the past of a thirteenth dimension which is not ours or Jack's as they believe.

**Author's note:** written for au_bingo as a standalone, but there will be sequels.

**Word count**: 1385, more or less.

**Beta:** czarina_kitty

**...**

_Caerdydd, Year of our Lord 1148._

It was the first days of spring and the newly self-promoted angels were finding their places among the Abbey's community. The monks were under the spell thanking the Lord all day long for having trusted them in looking over his 12 soldiers.

"It's a pity the winter slowed down the building of our new Abbey so much," Father Gabriel was telling Jill. "But, let's focus on the good, Jethro's drawings and Jeff's knowledge have greatly improved our original project."

"I hope you understand, we need a place for ourselves, Father," Jill said. "We cannot go on spending all our nights in the scriptorium, it's not meant for that."

What Jill wasn't going to say is that they were not real angels and didn't take a vow of chastity; they needed a bit of comfortable privacy where they could take care of each other.

"Of course we understand. You and your fellow angels deserve better than what you're asking for-"

"Just a place where we can rest when we need to, that's all we ask for, Father," Jill cut the priest short in his now familiar rant. "We are just God's soldiers and don't want to be treated better than any of you. If we prefer a separate dormitory it's only because we don't need much sleep and don't want to disturb your well deserved rest."

As if admonition for his own rant, a loud shriek, followed by the sound of falling pans and porcelain broke the peaceful rest the two men shared over hot wine in the Abbey's huge kitchen. Jay, who was helping with the cooking across the room, had fallen from the stool he stood on to grab a new pot of herbs from the upper shelf.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Nobody got hurt?"

"Not this time," Jill admonished him. "I thought we agreed you won't do anything to endanger our hosts?"

"Hey, I was just giving them cooking directions."

"Standing on a stool?"

"I just wanted to get some ingredients, nothing threatening," Jay pleaded. "Better me falling than any one of them any way."

"Except they wouldn't fall because of a stupid tiny spider," Jill pointed out. "I bet your _attacker_ has never considered scaring the hell out of an _angel_!"

"Sorry," Jay replied, watching uncomfortably around him.

"Got it!" Dewydd grinned triumphantly pointing at what must have been the smallest spider they had killed over the last six months.

"That was undoubtedly a monster," Jill sighed. At least the monks were taking Jay's phobia as entertaining.

"Give me any monster, I'll take it," Jay replied.

...

They were twelve versions of the same man, but even if they looked alike they were all different other than being immortal. All of them were born on Boeshane, had met the Doctor and Rose and had died while travelling with them. They also all came from the future, fifty-first century, except for Jill who was from the fifty-third. Apart from these points, their personal history and their knowledge were variations on the same theme, as were their respective universes' histories.

Sometimes, however, minor divergences had brought major changes to the way Earth society would evolve.

In Jill's universe, for instance, Human history would take a major turn when it reached the Industrial revolution. Instead of just colonizing less developed countries to plunder their wealth, European kingdoms would annex and rule them. The twenty-first century Earth he'd been abducted from was parted between a dozen huge united or unified states, Commonwealth being but one.

Because of that, Jill couldn't understand how a planet divided into an incredible number of tiny, independent states would one day be able to organise the evacuation of Earth.

In Jinn's dimension, the twist had happen earlier, and the Christian influence had always been very limited. Rome never over ruled the Greek Empire built by the Great Alexander and, during the Middle-Ages, North Europe was still a druidic community. Jinn was a historian, and this period was supposed to be his area of expertise, except that in his world Amseer Gaulo was nothing like the Dark Ages some of his fellow doubles told him about and nothing like what was surrounding him. Jinn felt most out of place in this Abbey.

But for most of the other supposed angels, the divergences were pretty insignificant. And, as they were all historical experts– although not always of the same historic periods, they could spend nights talking about it, discussing the timing of significant events.

...

"Hey guys," John called out entering the kitchen. "I'm not an expert on that matter, but isn't it a bit late for a first crusade to be called?"

"What are you talking about?" Jill asked.

"Some horsemen accompanied by a priest I've never seen are trying to sell the villagers on the necessity of freeing Jerusalem."

"Jerusalem is in the Muslins' hands and they don't always grant Christian pilgrim access to the Holy Sepulchre," Father Gabriel tried to explain. "It has been a source of tension between the three communities for decades."

"Three communities?" Jinn who had joined them asked. "What did I miss this time?"

"Jewish," Jay supplied him. "1148? That might be the second one," he told John.

"Second what?" Father Gabriel asked.

"Second Crusade: the one leaded by Philippe II and King Richard... no wait that's the third; the second was just a big waste of men and a political and tactical mess."

"Because the others weren't?" John bantered.

"This one was the worst, trust me."

"But what's a crusade?" Dewydd, who a young novice, dared ask what the monks were only wondering.

"Crusade; from the word _cross_. It's what holy wars are going to be called," Jill told the monks. "And if they don't already know the name, I believe it's because it hasn't been used yet," he then told his fellow doubles as a warning.

"Currently the kingdom of Jerusalem should be under the rule of Franks..." Jay said, but stopped mid historical spoiler as the monks were staring at him in confusion.

"Why would the Franks rule the kingdom of Jerusalem?" the young novice asked for the monks.

"As the result of the crusade instigate by Urban II at Clermont council?" Jay suggested, displaying a wide grin.

Jill flashed him dark eyes speaking volumes.

"Who's that Urban II? And what council are you talking about?" Father Gabriel asked.

"Just leave it, Father," John replied dragging Jay out of the kitchen. They were soon followed by the other pseudo angels. "Told you they were calling for a first crusade."

"That's too bad, but it doesn't concern us, and we can't get involved in that kind of major events," Jill pointed out. "And when I say we can't in any way, I mean not even by telling them how it could have happen in other circumstances."

"If we're going to spend seven centuries in this world, I'm bound to get my head completely messed up," Jay complained.

"Welcome to my life," Jinn replied.

"Sorry, that might be very confusing for you," Jay admitted.

"I don't know which is the most confusing; being stranded in the past of another dimension, sharing your thoughts with eleven versions of yourself, or pretending to be angels while organizing orgies in the scriptorium of an Abbey?" John asked.

"Having a double yelling like a damsel in distress every time he runs into a spider?"

"Spending two hours a day singing chorus in order to avoid mass?"

"So what are we going to do about the local lord asking for the Abbey's twelve angels to accompany his son on his holy war?" Jinn asked out of the blue.

"Err, that might be an issue!"

...

Author's note: The Franks were the Germanics people who over ruled a big part of Europe after the fall of the Roman Empire, among the most charismatic leader was Charlemagne. Link for Wikipedia on the Kingdom of Jerusalem


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** On the opportunity of no interfering status

**Fandom:** Torchwood/Doctor Who

**Characters /pairings:** The twelve alternate versions of Captain Jack from the 12 Jacks Case: Jay, Jill, John, Jethro, Jeff, Jeffrey, Joey, Jed, Jo, Jared, Jake and Jinn.

**Prompt:** Historical, Medieval

**Rating: PG-13**

**Warnings: **not that I can think of.

**Summary:** For some reasons you can eventually find _here_ twelve versions of Jack are stranded in the past of a thirteenth dimension which is not ours or Jack's as they believe it. They get involved in what ought to be the first Crusade.

**Author's note:** written for au_bingo as a standalone, but there will be sequels and there is already a prequel: _Timey-Wimey and some more_.

**Word count**: more or less.

**Beta:** czarina_kitty

_Caerdydd, Year of our Lord 1148._

The word had been spread some weeks earlier; the monks from Saint Barnaby were hiding angels among their community.

Sir Aneirin was a pious man but not the kind of man to be content with rumours. However, just in case, he insisted that those _famous _angels accompany his son Kewez in his quest for redemption. It was, of course, all about redemption. Kewez' twenties was in his late twenties but he was the youngest son of Sir Aneirin and also the most turbulent.

"I'm not sure where the problem lies," Sir Aneirin said. "You're angels, soldiers of our beloved Lord and you claim freeing Jerusalem is not your battle? So what is it, then? What can possibly be more important than that?"

Jay turned to Jill and John, there was no way for him to answer this question. From the start, he had not been comfortable with the idea of pretending to be an angel and talking wasn't his strong point- he was there as the medieval expert.

"The problem, my Lord, lies in the fact that we shouldn't be here," Jill stoically tried to explain. "We were awoken too early. Our battle will be the last one."

A worried murmur ran through the assembly gathered in the large reception room.

"That said, it won't be for centuries," John was quick to add. "As my brother said we've been awoken _way _too early."

"Maybe it is, in fact, the reason you've been awoken," Father Costello noted suspiciously. The new priest sent by Rome didn't believe them to be what they claimed to be, but, even if they were no angels, they'd already proven that they were fearsome warriors. "I cannot believe that our Lord would rebuke his soldiers for wanting to liberate the Holy Sepulchre."

"Well, why not?" Jay cut in before Jill had time to get into any further argument._ * What will you say? That we know God's will? That we are in direct line with God? Do you really want to go down that road? There's a guy who already tried that and he'd ended up on a cross, I'll remind you.*_

_*We can't get involved in that crusade, either,*_ Jill replied.

_* No, but nothing prevents us from pretending otherwise. We've long crossed that line,*_ Jay argued_. *We won't get the last word here. They have strong views on what they believe to be their duty and, by extension, ours. Trust me, you don't want to have to prove yourself in front of them.*_

"That seems more sensible on an angel's part," Sir Aneirin stated, as if giving voice to Jay's concerns. "I am pleased our Lord finally found the way to show you the right path. Now, as things are settled, make sure you are ready to leave with the new moon."

After being dismissed by Sir Aneirin the three counterparts walked back to the Abbey. Since their arrival, they'd always been careful never to be seen as group of more than three when they were outside the abbey.

Indeed, triplets, even though rare in these days, could still happen. Of course, they more often than not, didn't grow old, or at least rarely all three of them, but it was still plausible.

In Regards to the monks, there was no real problem. It was they who had found them while digging the ground to build a cellar under their kitchen, who had taken them out of the soil where they had been buried by the Master. Since the beginning, the monks knew them to be immortals. That was how and why John had come with the brilliant idea of telling them they were angels hidden there for the Final Battle. The monks weren't a problem; they were even allies as well as hosts.

Of course, twelve identical men were somewhat problematic to explain. Even more so after one of them had returned to life in front of stunned villagers. And to top it all off, after being torn to pieces in an indisputable way by furious beasts escaped straight from hell.

In short, back in early spring when three Hoix that had been spat from the rift attacked a small group of peasants peacefully collecting firewood near the Abbey, they'd all felt compelled to intervene and had all run as one man to help.

Incidentally, that was the day Jay proved that the _damsel _was perfectly capable, if necessary, of breaking a Hoix's neck with his bare hands. Even if he couldn't bear to face a three pixels sized spider.

If that hadn't failed to impress the monks and his alter egos, John coming back to life in the arms of an old peasant had, indeed, impressed the villagers who had also come in number to the rescue.

Of course, synthesizing retcon in a medieval environment was absolutely not an option.

...

On their way they found Jared, Jeff, and Jinn, who were collecting herbs not far from the glade where the Hoix attack had happened.

"I thought we were not supposed to get involved in any major events," Jinn said after Jill had summed up their talk with the local lord. "I would have thought that a crusade, judging by what some of you told me, would be important enough to be labelled _a major historical event_. That said, I am by no means _the_ expert. I admit it. Actually to be honest, there has never been anything quite like your crusades in my 'verse."

"This is exactly my point," Jay replied. "We don't know for sure what is supposed to happen or not happen in this dimension. We can't say if we have a part to play or not: our presence in this world could just as easily be a determinant, a constant ..."

"I'd say he's got a point. We did assumed we ought to stand aside and not intervene for fear of jostling, even jeopardizing the future with which we have an appointment, but it is tantamount to denying all that we have shared with the Doctor and Rose," Jeff noted.

"Are you mad?" Jill exclaimed. The idea of being this kind of accomplice in a slaughter shocked the hell out of him. "There is absolutely no way I'll play God's little soldier among these fanatics."

"They are confident they are within their rights. In their eyes this is a holy war and nothing is more important to them. I don't think we can get out of this mess any way other than quietly taking the first way out," John commented. "It's a long trip from here to Jerusalem and we need to get the people here to forget about us..."

"And whose fault is that?" Jared bantered. "I never thought I'd come to this, but I think I'll miss the Abbey."

"On the other hand, do you know what all this reminds me of?" Jeff said. "Back in my time at the Time Agency, do you know what we used to tell newbies to scare them? In my dimension that's it?"

"That when you mess with the course of time, you're putting yourself at risk of attracting some Time Lord's attention?" Jinn guessed. "Our problem here is that we're not in our dimension and by provoking the Doctor to intervene, we could very well jeopardize Jack's future."

"Or not at all," Jeff replied. "It would depend on which version of the Doctor intervenes. In fact, it could be our way out ..."

"Yes, but you'd better keep in mind the Doc is not alone, or at least he has not always been the last of Time Lords. And if you go there, we could just as well attract the Master," Jay commented. "I don't think we should purposely cause a paradox or a disturbance in the flow of time, I just wanted to emphasize that we do not know if we have a role to play or not in the history of this dimension."

"So, what do you suggest then?"

"I'd say we should go with Kewez and his men," Jay replied. "That said, we keep a low profile, and see if we can found a way out along the road."

...

Sir Aneirin had called upon all the local lords to contribute, and four days before departure, they were given horses: twelve magnificent beasts. To complete their crusader's equipment, heavy swords accompanied by unimpressive shields, as well as coats of mail were delivered by the village blacksmith.

"No. No way I put that thing on," John protested. "It's heavy and not really befitting."

"And moreover," Jay added. "All that metal did not always worked in favour of its owners during the Crusades, at least in my verse."

"Really?" Jinn asked.

"Believe me, all this steel stuff under a blazing sun is uncomfortable and even fatal," Jay replied.

"And one better not fall overboard while wearing that either," John added.

"Because _you_ had the opportunity to wear a coat of mail, did you?" Jill asked somewhat surprised.

"Yep . During a shoot, when I was on the set."

"I might have guessed."

...

For its part, the scriptorium was the scene of much heated debate that played into the sex group sessions. The subject of these interminable discussions revolved mainly around what they could or should do during the trip, and especially around what they should not do.

"For those people we are angels, we're God's representatives. That should give us some credibility, right?" Jinn had asked.

"Yes, in theory it should," Jill replied. "And if we make good use of it, we could perhaps limit some collateral damage on the road. We must keep in mind that a marching army, composed of so many men, did as much harm to local people encountered en route as to their final destination. Claiming board and lodging, or even, the _droit de seigneur_, and all in God's name."

"We won't stop that from happening," Jay commented. "Men in pack are worse than wolves, but at least we can try to soften it. We'll be happy just to staying out of trouble."

"That's why we must make an example of our own behaviour," Jill replied.

"Who are you kidding?" Jay retorted.

"Right, let's face it; we aren't saints. I don't think we would make it, even if our lives depended on it."

"I'm not talking about flirting or get laid at any cost," Jill said. "You'll be surrounded by men who consider that they are owed everything and that any disagreement is a breach in their quest."

"Men in pack-"

"Don't you have anything else to say, Jay?" Jeff asked, cutting his counterpart short. "We're all former Time Agents, we all are historians and archaeologists, and we all have, at least once, followed an army on campaign."

"And we know perfectly well it's not nice," Jo added.

"You know my point of view," Jay commented, as he left the scriptorium. He needed some fresh air, along with a little silence. For a time, remaining in the immediate vicinity of the Abbey, he walked aimlessly and then move back into the barn for the night. He was in no mood for going back arguing with the others, let alone find himself in an orgy. He needed a little real rest and the barn, empty as it was this early in summer, was still a very welcoming place.

"Not a spider to be seen," John greeted him. "I made sure of it."

"How long have you been waiting for me?"

"Not long," John replied soothing the quilt he'd lain on the straw. "Come over here."

Jay settled by John's side. John was nice, sometimes a bit cheeky, but he was his favourite alter ego. With him Jay felt fine. The others made fun of him, they called him the _damsel_, not so much because of his spider phobia but because they saw him as a bit unpolished and raw. The truth was that while _playing_ assassin on Torchwood's behalf he'd adopted some frustrating ways. John, seemed to see beyond that, maybe because he had let him see a bit more of himself. But the fact was he liked John.

"That second crusade, the one you said was the worst, you've been caught in it, right?" John asked.

Jay remained silent and turned on his side: he had had enough. John got the message and instead of pushing, gently invited him to cuddle, which was definitely better.

They stayed a while nested against each other, each taking solace in the presence of the other. It was something Jay enjoyed a lot with John; his tenderness, his ability to wait until the other was in harmony with him. He could wait until Jay would make him understand he wanted more. Then and only then, he start with butterfly kisses at the hollow of Jay's neck. It felt so good to be cared for that much, it was something Jay had been longing for without even knowing it.

"What is it that frightens you so deeply, that you don't even want to talk about it?" John whispered in his neck as they settled in for after sex cuddling. "Will you tell me?"

"I'm afraid this entire angel thingy will explode in our faces, I'm terrified we'll become puppets in fanatic's hands that all." Jay replied.

"Yes I can see that," John replied spooning tighter around him. "But as I already pointed out, it's a long trip to Palestine; we'll found a way out before we get there."

"I envy your optimism."

"That's just a choice of how you see things, you know..." John replied. "It's a bias, I chose a long time ago: make haste to laugh at everything before you have to cry."

"Isn't it from Beaumarchais?"

"Variation on the tune, but I must confess: I'm a fan."

"A Beaumarchais' fan?"

"Yep! Definitely." John grinned. "A great guy in his way."

"Will you show me?"

"What?"

"How to laugh at everything..."

"I'm not sure what awaits us is the most appropriate context," John replied with a last gentle kiss deposited in his hair. "But what the hell?"


End file.
